Pushing Past the Demons

Since I've been determined to reach the top of the mountain, my personal demons have been especially grasping and needy, and they haven't made it easy this week to persevere. Why is it that the familiar ruts feel so safe even though in the long run they are the most unhealthy choices?

Some of the best advice I ever received was to walk headlong into any fear or strong emotion I was experiencing. It's the same concept as the "straight to the top of the mountain" analogy. So with that in mind, I plunge into my propensity for self-sabotage.

I eat more than I know I should or even want; I don't exercise even though I know I'll feel better; and I watch too much television because it's easier than facing the obstacles of writing or designing. But none of those behaviors feels good -- or represents the woman I'd really like to be.

The former is who I've always been. Am I afraid I'll lose something important if I let her go? Can't I keep the best parts of her and still become someone better? Someone I've learned to be after years of living and thinking and reading?

I know I began this rebellious behavior in response to my mother's shaming. I've always been an "Oh, yeah, I'll show you" person. But the rebellion doesn't serve me well either.

I wish I had a tangible step to take to get past all the demons, a sure-fire way to avoid their clammy green hands and emerge into the clear. But I don't. Yet.

Sometimes when my plot gets stuck, I'll write the question I most need an answer to and leave it to the Universe to respond. Perhaps that's my next best step to push past the demons.

So.

How do I achieve that "tweak" of perception that allows me to move beyond my old way of thinking and being? How do I get clear of the demons?